The good news is that I am going to see Interpol on Wednesday night. That is exactly what I need, because it has been far too long since I have been to a good concert.
Lately, I just have forgotten myself too much. I have persisted in acting like I am someone that I am not. I am not meant for late night sessions at trendy New York bars, clubs, and lounges. I am not someone who can carry on with effortless, shallow conversation with people I barely know. I always forget these things. I try to fit in with these people with whom I have nothing in common. These people probably wouldn't know Bill Moyers from Tucker Carlson. These are people that assume the West Coast consists of Los Angeles.
I have been persisting in these shallow patterns in part because being myself has just made me too sad lately. There used to be a time when I would gladly spend a weekend at home writing and reading books about children in war. Now, all of it just seems to depress me too much, so I thought that going out and acting a fool would make me feel differently. It has just made me sort of numb.
Even if I have to go to the Interpol concert alone, at least it will be an outing that is like me. Their alienation is back to something I can relate to.
4 months ago