Friday, January 28, 2005

"I've got you covered from behind."

So it turns out, I can be quite a darts player. In my first night of official competition, I did quite well in the game Cricket. Luckily for me, my darts partner at our work party, was someone who amazingly played darts better the drunker he became. And our opponents were worse the drunker they became. I was the one sober, stabilizing influence in the game. The work party was quite scandalous although rather interesting. Sometimes I think that the longer I live in New York, the less I can make any claims to innocence. It is shockingly entertaining to a girl who spent the better part of the last ten years in Provo, Utah.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Five Years to Repair

So apparently, the A and C subway lines in New York could take up to five years to repair after a fire damaged a switching station yesterday. My question is this - how can it take five years to repair anything in New York? What is wrong with the imcompetent people at the MTA that it takes five years to fix a subway line? I think you could build a whole new subway line in that amount of time. And it will probably just be another excuse for the MTA to raise subway fares again (not that they actually need an excuse). So much for trying to take the A train to go to JFK airport.

It is just another example to add to my list of why New York drives me crazy (this was after I made my peace with the Big Apple on Sunday). I guess my temporary cease-fire with the city was bound to end once the white snow ended and the brown sludge began. So much for the city looking clean - it looks more disgusting than ever and my pants' legs are paying the price.

Today is another day in the Bronx Family Court of witnesses not showing up and me wasting my time and court.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

I survived the Blizzard of 2005

"The Blizzard of 2005" that is what all of the television stations were calling the snow storm we got this weekend. They made it seem so dramatic and serious, but it was just 13 inches of snow in New York City. It kept me inside of my apartment reading the newly released "Children at War" by PW Singer all weekend. While the subject of child soldiers around the world is an important and interesting one, I couldn't help but feel like I was wasting a perfectly good weekend.

Today, I finally ventured out after the snow stopped. I didn't go to church like I was supposed to, but I wandered over to Central Park to enjoy the scenes of kids on their sleds and dogs jumping in powdery snow piled higher than the dogs were tall. New York looked profoundly beautiful, in a way that I don't think that I have ever seen it before. There is some truth to what the lady interviewed in Forest Hills on the news last night said about the city only ever looking clean when it snows. It made me happy, and it made all of the snow seem worth it. I reconciled with New York for awhile, admitting that she isn't as bad as I constantly make her out to be. What makes her so bad is that even in her most beautiful moments, I am alone here and do not have anyone to share said Central Park snow with.

I was also sad that it had to snow like this on the weekend - because if it would have been during the week then possibly we would have gotten a day off of work which certainly would have been welcomed. The scene in Central Park on a Wednesday would have even been lovelier.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Two Rejections, A Cable Bill, and My Conviction Record

This is what I had in my mail yesterday. The rejections came from places that I sent my resume to for Seattle, and that don't want me to work for them. The Cable Bill speaks for itself. The Conviction Record comes from my defense of the 1st Amendment in Provo, Utah which lead to a Disorderly Conduct finding. Nazis.
The most troubling of course is the rejections. The better part of my life has been spent dealing with rejections, but I never really have dealt with mail rejections. I never was rejected from any of the colleges or grad schools that I applied to. I never applied to multiple jobs because I just stuck with the first job which accepted me. Now, I am continually being bombarded with written recognitions that I am not good enough to work for people and it is seriously bothering me alot more than I thought it would. I keep saying I am not a career driven person, but I hate setting myself out to fail as well.
It makes me think of Condelezza Rice. Granted, I am no fan of Ms. Rice, but I just think that putting yourself up for questioning and scrutiny not only from senators but from millions of Americans who are watching is incredibly brave. I don't think that I could stand to have my credentials and ethics questioned in that way. I hate it in court when people question my motivations. I try to be nice and straightforward to everyone, and the penalty for blatant honesty in court is to have people constantly calling you names. Now I have to put my credentials out there again in order to find a new job and well, I just don't take the constant humbling well.
But here is the good news - my dentist yesterday told me that I had perfect teeth. That works out nicely for one as orally fixated as I am.

Monday, January 17, 2005

What an ass!

I am talking about myself, of course. Today is the first three day weekend that I have had from work that I think that I haven't spent with DJ. Oh wait - President's Day last year.
As generally happens when I have too much free time on my hands (or rather, when I should be doing something more productive but I am not), I have been feeling too nostalgic today reading old emails, journals, and such, and I have had one abiding feeling - what an idiot I was! Seriously, my past relationships are so laughable and forced melodramatic. I am so glad that I am not that person anymore.
The thing that I realized today is that for all of my tears and assumed emotion from the past, all of my relatonships were pretty meaningless and juvenile. I never thought of myself as a "We" with any of those people. I never got beyond the forced attraction that drew me to any of those people to see them as a real person, but I was always in love with the idea of them. Dumb. Brooke, whom I swore that I loved, was just a silly guy with way too many horomones and not enough practicality. He was a boy I could idealize and take care of at the same time without having to really know him. I cried so many tears for an idea that was never really real.
Who knew that Martin Luther King Day could make me think so honestly about my romantic misgivings? I doubt that it is the legacy of Dr. King and more like the presence of one Mr. James that has created this honest reflection.

But I do have to say on an unrelated note, that In Good Company is a great flick. I love Topher Grace! His character is great! But I am a sucker for tall, skinny boys who work too much.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Speaking of negligence

Now I have really neglected the blog. I get so lazy. And then I get so bored and think, why did I stop blogging? Then I think, what is the point of blogging? Then, I think it is all self-congratulatory b.s.. Then, I hate blogging. Then, I think that I really like the self-affirmation of blogging. Then, I realize I have nothing to say. Then, it bothers me that I have nothing to say because I feel like I used to have so much to say. Then, I think that it is because I stop writing things down that I no longer have anything to say. Then, I realize I should start blogging again.

It has been a rainy, not snowy winter in New York. But in spite of that small respite, I hate this winter here more than ever. How long until I move to Seattle?

October, November, and December were nice - Seattle or some other vacation every two weeks. Now I have to wait until President's Day weekend until Seattle. That blows.

This blog sucks. It is all about my vacation plans. But when I am not here in New York is the only time that anything good seems to happen.